Understanding the Heart of a LOVER

Understanding the Heart of a LOVER

Are you a lover, a fighter, or somewhere in between? If you are a die hard lover, or vice versa, it can be difficult to understand the other. If you are a fighter with friends who are lovers I am sure you’ve wondered what makes a lover who they are, and act so differently from you? You may not recognize the lovers in your life, as they are often recognized as people who get “pushed over," are overly sensitive, slightly needy (I said slightly), proud only as a protective barrier, shy in the beginning, and have no shame in their apologizing game. They try their best to be polite (to the point where you think, “OK, you’ve said ‘thank you’ to that waitress like a bajillion times, they get it”).

I am a lover, and I am proud of it. Here’s a little bit of insight to help our readers understand who we are and how we feel about the world around it. Are you a lover, too?

1. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. But, trust me, we DO NOT forget our mistakes. They keep us up at night, sometimes many years later.
2. We are eternally looking for the good in people. This is generally a good thing, but can often get us in trouble. You may hear us say things like, “Oh come on, he’s not that bad. I mean, I know  he has multiple piercings and a criminal record, but he said ‘Bless you’ when I sneezed. That has to prove he has a heart of gold underneath.”

3. On a related note, we are complete suckers for a hopeless cause. We will be friends with anyone, no matter how much of a mess they seem to others.

4. We will try to fix you. Because it seems like you’re having a really hard time and I have some advice for you. (We will give this advice whether you want it or not. Because deep down, you really need the advice. And we hate seeing you upset.)

5. Deceit from a friend is our biggest fear… but it’s for reasons you wouldn’t think. It’s because after deceive us, the pureness of our friendship is gone. Even if we forgive you, and we tell you we forgive you... there’s always that “friendship gap”, that “elephant in the room." We loved you so much, and losing the purity of our friendship will continue to break our hearts for longer than you think.

6. To those that have deceived us, we don’t hate you. We’ve tried, but we can’t. As a matter of fact, we’ve prayed for your happiness, we’ve blamed ourselves for the things that went wrong, and we forgive you- we will never forget (and that sucks for us)- but inside, we forgive. And that helps us to move on.  

7. We live in our minds. This gets in the way more times than not. Seriously, we think about everything. We analyze every text message, email, and side comment. We analyze conversations we had weeks before and wish we had said things in a different way. We think about how happy our significant others are, what our future children will look like, if we hug our current children tight enough and how loved they feel, how loved we feel, what makes us feel loved, what makes our friends feel loved, what we will say next time we talk to our best friend, what she’s doing right now, what that long-lost best friend from 2nd grade is doing right now.. etc). Normal stuff (I assume) that everyone thinks about- but it never, EVER ends. Our minds are very romantic & sappy escapes.

8. Our feelings get hurt- and it doesn’t take very much to accomplish this. As much as we need you, we need to know that you need us too. We need verbal reassurance, hugs, phone calls, the whole works. When we feel like we are not an important part of your world, it crushes us- but we’re too proud to tell you.

9. We get emotional. Give us a commercial that even mildly hits close to home, and a sappy song- and you will see us boo hoo like we just got our first heart break.  Greys Anatomy episode? Yeah.. we don’t stand a chance.

10. We think you are pretty freaking fantastic. If you have chosen to be our friend (and I am talking about that pure, genuine, honest friendship)- we hold you on a pedestal. We consider you family, you are a part of us, and we would do anything for you.

11. If your heart breaks.. our heart breaks too. Call us crying- and we will cry. Then we will spend $100.00 on ice cream, movies, and WINE- and move into your room with you until we feel like you are ok (or when you kick us out).

12. If you’re our friend, you can do no wrong in our eyes. We think so highly of you that we will take your side no matter how wrong we think you may be, because we see things the way you do. Because of this, we will defend you to anyone who will listen. Please don’t take advantage of this or lead us astray. We just want to see you happy.

13. We care what you think. We’ve grown up hearing, “Who cares what other people think?” and while we might have nodded in agreement, inside our minds we’re thinking, “Me! Me! I care!”. If we could change this, we would- trust me. But it’s in our nature to truly care what other people think about us and being around us. Things like, ‘Am I putting off a vibe that makes them feel comfortable enough?’ and ‘Is my living room set up in a way that guests can relax and feel at home?’ are just a couple of the things that we overly care about, while they may not even cross the minds of others.

14. We don’t understand fighters. At all. Why are you being so combative? Why can’t you see the silver lining in this situation? How could you just look someone in the face and say that to them?! (Yelling at someone is basically inconceivable to us, unless you have really, really done us wrong.) Fighters seem selfish to us. We just want you to smile a little more, say thank you, and do something nice for someone today. We want you to do these things because we know you will be a happier person for it, because we care about you.

15. Which brings us to our final point… we wish that we could be a fighter when it mattered. This is part of what keeps us up at night. We know we should have said no to that extra project at work, we were just afraid that our boss would think that we weren’t hard working or that we were letting them down. Also, why did we not stand up for ourselves when that bitter coworker was making snide comments that were obviously directed at us? Of course, now we know exactly what we’d like to say to her if we could go back in time. But that would have hurt her feelings, so maybe not. Ugh, to be one of those girls that can deliver those kinds of zingers with no remorse!

Everyone has lovers in their life, and maybe now you will understand them a little more intimately. Though we may be seen as worriers, hopeless romantics, or even naive at times, be patient with us. We truly do care about you and your feelings. It’s not just an act. Cherish the lovers in your life, but also go the extra mile to be a fighter for them when they need it. Lovers can be some of the best friends you will ever make, and we'll be there for you through thick and thin.

~From our loving hearts to yours~