Understanding the Heart of a LOVER

Understanding the Heart of a LOVER

Are you a lover, a fighter, or somewhere in between? If you are a die hard lover, or vice versa, it can be difficult to understand the other. If you are a fighter with friends who are lovers I am sure you’ve wondered what makes a lover who they are, and act so differently from you? You may not recognize the lovers in your life, as they are often recognized as people who get “pushed over," are overly sensitive, slightly needy (I said slightly), proud only as a protective barrier, shy in the beginning, and have no shame in their apologizing game. They try their best to be polite (to the point where you think, “OK, you’ve said ‘thank you’ to that waitress like a bajillion times, they get it”).

I am a lover, and I am proud of it. Here’s a little bit of insight to help our readers understand who we are and how we feel about the world around it. Are you a lover, too?

1. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. But, trust me, we DO NOT forget our mistakes. They keep us up at night, sometimes many years later.
2. We are eternally looking for the good in people. This is generally a good thing, but can often get us in trouble. You may hear us say things like, “Oh come on, he’s not that bad. I mean, I know  he has multiple piercings and a criminal record, but he said ‘Bless you’ when I sneezed. That has to prove he has a heart of gold underneath.”

3. On a related note, we are complete suckers for a hopeless cause. We will be friends with anyone, no matter how much of a mess they seem to others.

4. We will try to fix you. Because it seems like you’re having a really hard time and I have some advice for you. (We will give this advice whether you want it or not. Because deep down, you really need the advice. And we hate seeing you upset.)

5. Deceit from a friend is our biggest fear… but it’s for reasons you wouldn’t think. It’s because after deceive us, the pureness of our friendship is gone. Even if we forgive you, and we tell you we forgive you... there’s always that “friendship gap”, that “elephant in the room." We loved you so much, and losing the purity of our friendship will continue to break our hearts for longer than you think.

6. To those that have deceived us, we don’t hate you. We’ve tried, but we can’t. As a matter of fact, we’ve prayed for your happiness, we’ve blamed ourselves for the things that went wrong, and we forgive you- we will never forget (and that sucks for us)- but inside, we forgive. And that helps us to move on.  

7. We live in our minds. This gets in the way more times than not. Seriously, we think about everything. We analyze every text message, email, and side comment. We analyze conversations we had weeks before and wish we had said things in a different way. We think about how happy our significant others are, what our future children will look like, if we hug our current children tight enough and how loved they feel, how loved we feel, what makes us feel loved, what makes our friends feel loved, what we will say next time we talk to our best friend, what she’s doing right now, what that long-lost best friend from 2nd grade is doing right now.. etc). Normal stuff (I assume) that everyone thinks about- but it never, EVER ends. Our minds are very romantic & sappy escapes.

8. Our feelings get hurt- and it doesn’t take very much to accomplish this. As much as we need you, we need to know that you need us too. We need verbal reassurance, hugs, phone calls, the whole works. When we feel like we are not an important part of your world, it crushes us- but we’re too proud to tell you.

9. We get emotional. Give us a commercial that even mildly hits close to home, and a sappy song- and you will see us boo hoo like we just got our first heart break.  Greys Anatomy episode? Yeah.. we don’t stand a chance.

10. We think you are pretty freaking fantastic. If you have chosen to be our friend (and I am talking about that pure, genuine, honest friendship)- we hold you on a pedestal. We consider you family, you are a part of us, and we would do anything for you.

11. If your heart breaks.. our heart breaks too. Call us crying- and we will cry. Then we will spend $100.00 on ice cream, movies, and WINE- and move into your room with you until we feel like you are ok (or when you kick us out).

12. If you’re our friend, you can do no wrong in our eyes. We think so highly of you that we will take your side no matter how wrong we think you may be, because we see things the way you do. Because of this, we will defend you to anyone who will listen. Please don’t take advantage of this or lead us astray. We just want to see you happy.

13. We care what you think. We’ve grown up hearing, “Who cares what other people think?” and while we might have nodded in agreement, inside our minds we’re thinking, “Me! Me! I care!”. If we could change this, we would- trust me. But it’s in our nature to truly care what other people think about us and being around us. Things like, ‘Am I putting off a vibe that makes them feel comfortable enough?’ and ‘Is my living room set up in a way that guests can relax and feel at home?’ are just a couple of the things that we overly care about, while they may not even cross the minds of others.

14. We don’t understand fighters. At all. Why are you being so combative? Why can’t you see the silver lining in this situation? How could you just look someone in the face and say that to them?! (Yelling at someone is basically inconceivable to us, unless you have really, really done us wrong.) Fighters seem selfish to us. We just want you to smile a little more, say thank you, and do something nice for someone today. We want you to do these things because we know you will be a happier person for it, because we care about you.

15. Which brings us to our final point… we wish that we could be a fighter when it mattered. This is part of what keeps us up at night. We know we should have said no to that extra project at work, we were just afraid that our boss would think that we weren’t hard working or that we were letting them down. Also, why did we not stand up for ourselves when that bitter coworker was making snide comments that were obviously directed at us? Of course, now we know exactly what we’d like to say to her if we could go back in time. But that would have hurt her feelings, so maybe not. Ugh, to be one of those girls that can deliver those kinds of zingers with no remorse!

Everyone has lovers in their life, and maybe now you will understand them a little more intimately. Though we may be seen as worriers, hopeless romantics, or even naive at times, be patient with us. We truly do care about you and your feelings. It’s not just an act. Cherish the lovers in your life, but also go the extra mile to be a fighter for them when they need it. Lovers can be some of the best friends you will ever make, and we'll be there for you through thick and thin.

~From our loving hearts to yours~

The top 15 ways to avoid studying...

Top 15 ways to avoid studying...

Every time I have a day off, I wake up with all the intentions in the world to spend my day productively studying.. right after breakfast. That my friends, is where the cycle begins. So, Just in time for finals, we present... The things we do to avoid studying!

1. Read a blog ... :) 

The day you need to be focused on studying, you run across all these funny articles on procrastination and avoiding studying. It's so perfectly fitting, how could you not stop and read?

2. Facebook on the computer

“I’ll only look at facebook for like, 5 minutes while my brain gets ready for such a long day. I mean, I have 14 hours to fill full of studying!”

3. Facebook on your phone

You quickly realize that you have gotten NOTHING accomplished, because once you when through facebook on your computer… it led to Pinterest… which led to Target.. which led to new throw pillows. So you pull up your powerpoints, determined you will study. But somehow, your phone ends up in your hand.. and there’s Facebook.. yes.

4. Put phone across room so you stop looking at phone and focus

Obviously, this isn’t working. You get up, and put your phone somewhere out of your reach- somewhere far away where it can’t hurt you. (Well, where it can’t distract you)

5. wait 20 seconds… go back and get phone

Ah, yes. Now you are on the right track… You get through 2 slides. And then you start wondering what you’ve missed on your phone. Not facebook, but what if your study group sent a really important message that you may need in order to get a good grade?! Having your phone across the room was obviously an irresponsible move.. so you must go get it. 

6. make coffee- because you can’t actually read until after you have coffee, right?

Staring at a screen all morning makes your head feel mottled, and you feel like you can’t even focus until you get yourself that pot of coffee ready. So, you close your computer and go into the kitchen...

7. Drink said coffee.  

After another 10 minutes of waiting for your coffee to brew, and watching your favorite show, your coffee is now ready. FINALLY- now your day can actually begin. Time to be productive. You’re not worried, because you still have 10 hours left to fill with studying.

8. Make a snack.

...because it’s just science that you cannot be productive while hungry

9. watch a DVR'ed show while you eat your snack

1. because you deserve it and 2. because you can’t eat and study and the same time

10. Go start a load of laundry

..ugh! my mind can only focus on the fact that I’m so behind on laundry! Plus, it’ll only take 5 minutes to start. 

11. Finish the rest of the DVR episode

because you can’t just start and episode an not finish it.

12. Do some sort of exercise

yoga, perhaps- mind over matter, am I right?

13. Take a shower

...because it’s science that you study better when you feel your best.

14. Take a nap

showers make you sleepy, and you can’t study when you are sleepy.

15. Repeat cycle.

So, now that you have officially found another way to avoid studying by reading this blog.. We wish you luck as you continue on your path to success and procrastination

(trust me friend, we are right there with you).

Things that happen in your mid-to late- twenties

Things that happen in your mid- to late- twenties

It seems like we are always sending each other screen shots of funny quips from the internet or lists from other blogs with revelations of “when did I become an adult, and why was I not given another option?”. So for our first blog post, we thought we’d share with you our list of things that have shocked us into realizing that this is the real world now, and the real world kiiinda stinks. If you find yourself nodding yes while reading even 10% of these.. then we say, hello friend.. and welcome to the transition to true adulthood! :) :(

1. That paycheck you went to 4-6 years of college for? Yeah, that’s not nearly as big as you want it to be. You’ll have to attend more years of school to get it there. Which costs more money. Money you don’t have. It’s a vicious cycle.
2. For the money you do have? You now have a budget for it. Woah, look at how responsible you are! No, wait. You go over budget every month. Because you aren’t making enough money to support the lifestyle your fabulousness demands. See? Vicious cycle.

3. You get a 401K. And you contribute to it every month. People tell you that you’re smart to start thinking about these things so early. What they don’t know is that you have NO idea where your money is invested, what the words “prospectus”, “vesting”, or “commission fees” mean, or if you’ve even set it up correctly. But you have a 401K and that has to count for something.

4. You now google things your younger, cooler self never would have googled. Things like “what does tbh stand for?”...smh. (-ha! thank you, google)

5. It’s no longer appropriate to dig boy bands. The closer you get to thirty, the creepier it gets.

6. Getting whistled at while walking past a construction site no longer makes you cringe… instead it gets you thinking “Yeah.. I’ve still got it.”

7. You begin to wonder if you are too old for some of the clothes you have leftover from your college years.

8. You really, really miss the nightlife. But, when it comes down to it- you’d much rather stay in- wearing your comfy jammies, drinking a glass of wine, binging on Netflix, and stuffing your face.

9. Bathing suit shopping takes on a whole new meaning. It’s no longer the FUN and EXCITING experience you remember as a 16-18 year old. It’s now that moment that you realize just how much tighter of a grip gravity has taken on your body since last year.

10. So, this scene is no longer hilarious because it seems so far fetched. This scene now makes you a little sad inside, because it’s your reality.

11. You plan ahead. What’s your first thought when your friend asks you to go out with her? “yep.. we’re gonna need Gatorade, Tylenol.. and something to eat before we go to bed”

12. Because hangovers now SUCK. Like, you can’t move from the couch for an entire day type of suck. Now when you get a hangover, your body makes you pay for what you did to it. For several days, sometimes.

13. You go to a movie by yourself, or you at least consider it, which is something you never would have done in college. And P.S., once you do it, it’s way less weird than it sounds. Especially if you go to one of the fancy ones that has waitresses that deliver beer and food to your seat. Treat yo self!

14. However, when a group of kids sits behind you in the movie, you automatically know they are going to ruin this experience for you.

15. You secretly resent every 16-18 year old… not just for the fact that they are really annoying, but also because they are flaunting the body you yourself used to pride yourself on.

16. You wish it wasn't weird to stop these girls (who are complete strangers) and tell them to take care of those bodies, and that they really should watch all those cookies they're stuffing into their mouths. (That wouldn't be TOO weird, right? ok.. maybe a little).

17. Your Facebook homepage is no longer loaded down with pictures from “Party Wednesday”. Instead, everyone you know just posts pictures of their husbands, fiances, children, first homes, foods they just cooked… or their pets. (it’s nice to see you’re not the only one staying in on the weekends)

18. You see a greasy cheeseburger and that coke… and you immediately feel your arteries start to clog…” mmm, better not…”

19. Something that doesn’t happen in your twenties? Still can’t taste the difference between a cheap bottle of wine and an expensive one. That is still a complete mystery.

Despite these pitfalls, many good things do happen at this age. Things like…

1. You learn how to do laundry without letting it sit in the washer long enough to spoil…. Well, most of the time anyway.

2. You can now recognize the difference between a real crisis and the “worst day of your life” when you had to stand in line at Starbucks for twenty whole minutes.

3. You become much more confident in your sense of style. You worry less about what “everyone else” is wearing, and more about what looks good on you.

4. You feel more comfortable in your own skin than you ever have before (whether gravity has her dirty little fingers on your assets or not).

5. You start to appreciate the little things like a long awaited brunch date with your bestie, a sunny walk in the park, or everything turning green in the spring. It’s all about the little things, really.

Can you relate? Leave us a comment below and let us know some of your toughest mid-twenties moments. We'd love to hear we're not the only ones feeling these growing older pains :-) 

Welcome to our new blog, Champagne & Spaghetti Stains! 

We’re two girlfriends who met in college- and feel called upon to share our life stories, feelings, and of course.. our many, many awkward moments.  Welcome to each of our crazy worlds.

Here’s a little bit about us, 

My name is Brittany. I am in my mid-twenties, a mother of a 3 year old little boy who makes every day a new adventure, and I have a husband who is an avid hunter- and is quite possibly the hardest working man I have ever met.- I'm still getting adjusted to motherhood and wifehood, and tackling my "wifely duties" (cleaning, cooking) is seriously quite the challenge- but I'm getting better! I am currently surviving nursing school with only a year to go! Call me optimistic, but as a retired sorority girl and cheerleader, I swear there had to be a time in my life where I was “cool”, but for the most part, I think I scream MOM now. I still throw on my bright red lipstick and curl my hair (during holidays and special occasions), but more than likely, there’s some spaghetti or who knows what hiding somewhere in my curls. It’s not abnormal for me to have dance parties with my son  to the ninja turtle theme song. I am also 100% gullible and will try almost any online beauty trick I find (mostly hair tips, because motherhood has made my hair a hot mess). I'm a little obsessed with decorating, so I am usually always in the middle of a DIY project. I love sharing my favorite moments, inspirations, and feelings- and now I get to do it with my best friend and partner in crime as we take on this blogging adventure together. 

(Left, Brittany; Right, Tricia)

My name is Tricia and I'm in my slightly later twenties, originally from western Tennessee, and a North Carolinian now, by way of Kentucky. I am married to my high school sweetheart and best friend, who makes life a fun adventure every day. We don't have any kids yet, other than the most perfect hound dog in the world (Seriously, my dog is better than yours. That's just the truth.). I teach high school biology because I'm a huge science nerd that loves nothing more than lighting that same nerdy fire in the brains of tomorrow. I'm the kind of girl that would rather hike or camp than shop any day, and I will always choose beer (or champagne) over a mixed drink. While I am not a fan of phrases like "crunchy" or "crazy hippie" or "no, Tricia, I don't need another lecture on recycling or not eating meat", I am a bit of an (extreme) environmentalist. Though I may be a perfectionist with unrealistically high expectations, those who are closest to me know that I'm truly just a goofball that doesn't even come close to having it all together. Brittany and I have always talked about writing a book together, and now that we have miles between us, maybe this blog will be the first step. Or maybe it will just be a fun way to share our silly lives with each other. Either way, enjoy! 

"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."