When Your Dogs Are Your Children

When Your Dogs Are Your Children

Everyone knows those people. The ones who are obsessed with their dogs. The ones that "should really head home soon so we can let the dog out." The ones who posted one too many pictures of their pets on Instagram this week... ok, they posted five this week. Five, within seven days. We get it. Your dog is cute. But did we really need to see what your dog looked like sleeping on the couch with you, sitting in the yard with a ball, walking on a hiking trail, sleeping (again), and running on the beach? How do you even have the time to do all those things with your dog? Why would you bring a dog on all those trips with you? Wouldn't you have more fun without having to lug a pet around? 

For folks that think of their pets as their children, the answer is always no. Leaving their dog(s) at home, or with a friend, or (shudder) boarded somewhere is as unfathomable to them as their doggie obsession is to others. 

Here's the deal: when you get a dog one of two things happens. Either you join the camp that thinks the best kind of dog is an outside dog, or you begin to look at them as an integral part of your family. You realize how wonderful it is to have someone in your house that is ALWAYS happy to see you. That needs you to survive. That knows that you are their family. You begin thinking of doggie-parent things to do with them: there's that dog park that you passed the other weekend or there's the pet store next to Lowe's... dogs are allowed in there, right? I bet they would love getting to pick out their own toys! Of course they need another toy. Or at least some treats. Maybe I could ask the associates there if their dog food is full of corn like that commercial said. It's an endless cycle, and once it begins, there's no going back. 

"Wait just a second," you say, "what about the fact that your couch is covered in dog hair? And you're telling me that you're ok with them pooping and peeing in the house? Don't even act like house training went smoothly... and the teething? How many of your shoes have gotten destroyed? I've seen the dogs on the internet that ate through walls. How is any of that mess worth it?" 

Trust me. Those situations are infuriating. I mean come on, I just took you outside. Why didn't you do that out there? There is nothing more heartbreaking than finding one of your prized possessions with tell-tale jagged indentions, or worse, in shreds, spread across the house, completely unfixable.

So you yell. You give them your best "bad dog, how could you?" speech and they cower, run to a dark corner, or run toward you with ears laid back. They are sorry. They didn't know. You should have walked them this morning for a little longer to get some of that energy out. You should have checked that the bathroom door was shut all the way. You should have come home earlier. In the end, when your dogs are your kids, you always find a way to see that it's your fault. No matter how mad you get, within a few minutes they look up at you with those big eyes, they do something completely adorable, then they settle in for a good long cuddle under a blanket just as your favorite show starts. You need to get up and go to the bathroom, but you ignore it. This is too good. 

When you don't have children of your own, parental instincts find a way of manifesting themselves through other outlets. Sometimes that's by being a leader at work or taking care of your coworkers. Perhaps it makes you the best aunt or uncle ever. Maybe you just have your hands full taking care of your significant other (or yourself) instead. For some of us, however, we're happy being parents to kids that, though they are decidedly needy and sometimes spoiled rotten brats, love us unconditionally and never talk back. Though you may see us as weirdos that are one animal short of a full-blown petting zoo, we see you in a different light as well. We're sorry that your life is empty and bereft of love. No, I'm just teasing! But to dog lovers everywhere, we don't know how we ever survived without a dog, and though we know they don't live forever, we wouldn't trade our time with them for all the spotless houses and unchewed baseboards in the county. So we ask that you give our kids a pet on the head when you come over for a visit, that you try not to roll your eyes when we ask if the hotel you booked for the weekend getaway is dog-friendly, and that you like at least one of the pet-centered pictures we post. I mean, they are completely adorable, how could you not love them?!

In exchange, we thank you for ignoring the dog hair on our black pants. ...And for pretending that it didn't bother you when the dog jumped up on you last Thanksgiving... with muddy paws. ...Oh yeah, and for not kicking us out of the house that time they peed in your kitchen. Alright, so maybe you have to put up with some stuff to be our friends, but you don't hear us complaining about that cold your daughter gave us last Christmas ;-).